The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

Some habits never die. For my family (really for me), the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is an annual ritual. While my mom slaves away in the kitchen making what is certain to be an excellent meal after which I'll drop off into a deep and satisfying coma nap, I'm within shouting distance (in case of kitchen emergency) watching the parade. But even as I sit here, watching a high-school marching band from Kansas play a selection from the nutcracker while their flag corp and dancers are dressed as the little girl (whatshername) and dancing with teddy bears, things are not copacetic. Why is there no joy today? Allow me to break it down:

1. I don't know at least half of the "featured" performers. Since I've been watching, the average age of such gems is about 15 and the word "Nickelodeon" has been thrown around more than several times. Frankly, they don't even look remotely exciting or interesting to me.

2. The best "features" of the parade--the enormous helium balloons and the marching bands--seem few and far between, replaced by crappy tween pop-stars and, well, crappy tween *up-coming* (or so they say) pop-stars. Instead of a festive and felicitous atmosphere, it's now a celebration of mediocrity. (It was always somewhat mediocre, but at least the atmosphere saved it).

3. The loss of Katie Couric as the parade play-by-play gal. Hey, you know--I don't like Katie Couric. But she was perfect for this job--that morning mix of perky and witty. Matt Lauer and (unfortunately) Al Roker don't cut the mustard on their own and Meredith Viera will never be able to fill Katie's annoyingly but perfectly *up* shoes.

4. And last: every musical performer (except the bands, of course) lip-synch. Ever since Tony Bennett royally screwed up "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" Macy's canned all live-performances (literally) including the Broadway Show(let)s. So now instead of watching and hoping for these pre-teen tartlets to bite it while also looking forward to the prospect of getting to hear really excellent performers live, we get to watch people (poorly) attempt to matching their lip movements to their own song. The only joy I can try to find is waiting for the performer to stumble so that it appears that their voice is dis-embodied. See, it doesn't even sound fun.

So, I'm considering shopping for a new Thanksgiving tradition. While I have never objected to the overt consumerism or exploitation of Macy's workers in the name of an excellent parade, the fact that it now has lost any prior sense of entertainment is the last straw. I'm open for suggestions...be in touch if you have any.